A salad with a side of grief, please.

I cried at the shampoo bowl today. As my hairdresser (and good friend) washed my hair, I had a memory of my mom as I do. Many times a day. Every single day. And when Mandy (hairdresser) asked me about what I was going to eat when I got home (because I was waxing poetically…

Extra! Extra! Write all about it!

Hi Mama, I am sorry I haven’t written in a while…. Too long, actually. I know it’s been too long because I have been feeling the weight of your absence in ways that I have not known in quite a long time but they’ve been showing up, somewhat consistently. What are these ways, you ask?…

We Don’t Move On, We Move Forward.

2018 was quite the year. Tragically monumental, actually. Like undeniably life-changing. Have you ever had a year or a few like that? Like, a big ass span of time that has literally forever changed you deep within your core? Well, that was 2018 for me and it unfolded like this: On May 25th I got married, on June 14th…

More Memories, Please.

It’s been awhile since I have written a blog or much of anything, really. After my last piece recalling my siblings and my beautiful adventure to Cannon Beach, OR to celebrate my mother’s birthday and honor her wishes to have her ashes spread in the ocean by Haystack Rock, so much life has happened that…

Happy Birthday, Mama.

Happy Birthday, Mama. I remember and honor your wishes, Mama; that my siblings and I would be close and get along in your absence and for you to live on in Cannon Beach by having your ashes spread in the Pacific Ocean by Haystack Rock. I remember the day you were told that the cancer…

“I would die if you die.”

“I would die if you die,” is something I would tell my mom throughout my life. I could not (and still cannot) imagine my life without her. I truly believed that I would die if she died as the idea of her forever absence in my life would honestly tear a hole in my heart…

Spiritual Sundae

I had a Peanut Buster Parfait this past weekend. I am not only telling you this because I am trying to alleviate the guilt I “should” have (I am 99% reserved to being gluten and dairy and refined sugar-free) but because I cried while I ate it (and NOT because I am 99% reserved to…

I am sorry, Mama.

I have been trying to understand grief for a while now. What it looks like, what it feels like, what to expect, what to do… but I have come to find out that grief, in its entirety, is a completely personal journey that looks, tastes, and feels different to everyone. Grief is not some perfectly…

Stubborn Love

Wednesday, June 13th, 2018 I had heard “Stubborn Love” by The Lumineers before and I liked it. A LOT. But for some reason, when it came on Pandora’s Alabama Shakes Radio this specific afternoon, it stopped me in my tracks. I immediately got tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my heart. I wasn’t…